Ways to Annoy the Romans
by TheCrazyBookwormWithALaptop
Summary: As the title says, ways to annoy the Romans at Camp Jupiter. Yes, I know that lists like this have been done many times before, but I could not resist. Warning: a lot of these are somewhat cruel.
1. The List

**Ways to Annoy the Romans**

Warning: Several of these pranks will probably get you killed, or at least tied in a sack with some angry weasels and thrown into the Little Tiberius.

1) Sing any song related to fire in front of Frank. "Burn Baby Burn", etc.

2) Refer to Octavian by disgustingly sweet nicknames, such as "Tavey-kins", "Snuggle-Bug", or "Octy-Wocty".

3) Dress up as Gandalf, ride on a giant eagle, and leap in front of a fort during the middle of a war game and shout to the invading team "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

4) Fill the baths with oatmeal and/or grits.

5) Pass out "Team PiperxJason" t-shirts in front of Reyna.

6) Anytime you say something is "beast", stare pointedly at Frank.

7) During training, play "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan.

8) Ask Percy if you can borrow his pen. Every five minutes. Even after he says no.

9) Go around talking in Latin all day. Be sure to mispronounce all of the words, and say them in a country accent.

10) Call the Ghostbusters on the _Lares_.

11) Dress up some of your friends as the PETSA (People for Ethical Treatment of Stuffed Animals) and sic them on Octavian.

12) Sing songs from Disney's Hercules during mythology class. Act as though you thought that Disney's version is how the story actually went.

13) Give Dakota three cans of Red Bull, four cans of Monster, and as many candy bars as he can eat. Then hand him a paintball gun, a pair of roller skates, and a ski mask.

14) Feed Hannibal peanuts, even after you have been told that he's allergic to them. Blame it on Octavian.

15) Talk about how much you love shish-kabobs constantly in front of Gwen. Always make sure that Octavian's in the vicinity so that you can ask him what he thinks about shish-kabobs, if he's ever made one, etc. Wink at him at random times during the conversation.

16) Refer to Jason as "Mr. Sparky", "Megavolt", or "Sparky-Sparky-Boom Man".

17) Ask Jason if you can borrow his coin for a coin toss. Repeatedly.

18) Play "We Are the Champions" over some loudspeakers whenever your Cohort wins the war games.

19) Lure the fauns into camp with promises of free donuts and coffee. Watch the resulting chaos.

20) During a war game, run around screaming "Look at me, I'm a target!". Then duck, and say "What's the matter with you? I SAID I'm a target!"

21) Ask sons and daughters of Trivia how good they are at Trivial Pursuit. Ignore the fact that Trivia's name has nothing to do with trivial facts.

22) Plant some fake Greek invasion plans somewhere that Octavian's sure to find them.

23) Refer to every faun you meet as "Mr. Tumnus". Ask him if he's learned any new Narnian lullabies.

24) Flood the Mess. Say that you only did it so that campers could have baths while the oatmeal is being cleaned up at the real baths.

25) Dye all of the officials' hair different colors according to rank. Praetors are purple, centurions red, etc.

26) Sing "Womanizer" anytime someone mentions Apollo.

27) Recite The Odyssey, Julius Caesar, and/or The Iliad from beginning to end. Anytime someone interrupts you, start over.

28) Sing "Grim Grinning Ghost" anytime you pass a _lar_.

29) Anytime someone does or says something stupid, slap them on the back of the head and yell in a really bad British accent, "You blocks! You stones! You worse than senseless things!"

30) Give Hazel a Happy Meal in front of Nico. Do not say anything, just give it to her with a very solemn expression, stare pointedly from her to Nico, nod gravely, and run away. This will confuse Hazel and annoy Nico, at the very least.

31) Play the "Imperial March" during evening muster.

32) Stare at all of the major characters in Son of Neptune. Don't say anything, just stare.

33) T.P. the field in front of Terminus. Sing "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands" while doing so.


	2. Prologue

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed the list. One of the reviewers suggested that I write a chapter for each of the pranks, so I've decided to go ahead with it. Yes, I will be mainly using my OCs, but later the Stolls and Leo Valdez will also be involved. I apologize in advance for any OOCness, and if you think using OCs isn't a good idea, I will try my hardest to figure out a way to write the story where some actual characters are the main protagonists.**

**Disclaimer: Percy Jackson does not belong to me, nor does anything else except for my OCs.  
**

Prologue

My name is Ariel Kellogg, daughter of Ceres, and I have the most annoying teammates in Camp Jupiter.

Oh, a lot of people say that, I know, but in my case it's totally true. I am stuck with the camp's biggest prankster, Ivy Lokison- daughter of Mercury- and her friends Rosemary Lyre (daughter of Apollo) and Bobby Pursuit (son of Trivia). (They call themselves the Losers club- you know, like in that bad horror movie, IT? IT is Ivy's favorite movie- figures that such a maniac would love such a creepy movie). It doesn't help that we're in the same barrack, too. Those kids drive me crazy; they're always breaking the rules, always getting into trouble for SOMETHING, and more often than not they drag me into it. I still remember this one time when Ivy and Ro made Octavian think he was being haunted by a pillow pet, and Octavian said I was "guilty by association" and made me scrub the streets of New Rome with a toothbrush...

But that's another rant for another time. Right now I'm supposed to tell you how they, along with some Greeks named the Stoll brothers and Leo Valdez, created chaos in Camp Jupiter by performing 33 pranks on a list written by Ivy's crazy e-mail buddy from another dimension.

The trouble started a few years ago, when Ivy burst into the dorm clutching a piece of paper and looking like she had just discovered the cure for cancer.

"Oh, no," I moaned. The last time Ivy was that excited, it was on a trip to Burbank and they discovered Octavian curled up in a fetal position behind a sand dune at the beach, sucking his thumb and babbling incoherently about "the evil mustached zombie sea lion". He still runs out of the room if someone mentions going to the beach. I have no idea what Ivy did to freak him out that much, and frankly, I don't think I want to know.

Getting back to right then, Ro and Bobby (they were the only ones in their, besides me) looked over at her curiously.

"What're you so happy about? Did you give Octavian another nervous breakdown?" Ro asked, a little more eagerly than she should've, in my humble opinion.

"No, but I'm about to!" replied Ivy, giggling creepily. She plopped down on her bed right across the aisle from Ro and Bobby. "I was on my laptop-"

"Wait a minute, isn't it illegal for us to have electronics here?" I interrupted, going over to Ro's bed and sitting down, determined to find out what was going on and stop it before it went too far. Ivy stared at me, "What's your point?"

"Ivy Hinata Lokison, you have any idea how much trouble you could get in-" I began. Ivy said loudly, "ANYWAY, as I was saying, I was on my laptop talking to my e-mail buddy-"

"E-mail buddy?" Ro asked.

"Yeah, you know, like a writing buddy back in the olden days when people actually used non-electronic devices to communicate? Only with e-mail. So I was talking to my e-mail buddy, and it turns out that she likes to write this stuff called 'fanfiction', and there's this category for this book series that includes Camp Jupiter! Only the events in the book haven't happened yet, since my e-mail buddy lives in another dimension..."

"Wait, WHAT?" I cried. "How is that even-"

"Ariel, it's Ivy. It's best not to question these things," Bobby told me gently. Ivy glared at us, "IF I may continue?"

When none of us said anything, she continued, "So, my e-mail buddy was bored the other day, and came up with something for that category. A list of ways to annoy people at Camp Jupiter! I jotted it down so we could do them!"

She proudly flipped around the paper so that we could see it. In between dyslexia and Ivy's sloppy handwriting, it was hard for us to read, but once we could we started asking Ivy a lot of questions about the list's content.

"Who's Frank? And Nico? And Hazel? And Percy?" Ro asked.

"Why would talking about shish-kabobs in front of Gwen and Octavian offend them?" Bobby questioned.

"What's the Son of Neptune, and why would anybody at our camp be major characters in it?" I demanded. "And who's Piper? Why would it offend Reyna if we passed out Team, Piper, X, Jason t-shirts?"

"It's not Team, Piper, X, Jason. It's 'Team Piper-Jason'! On fanfiction, the x is supposed to show that they're a pairing. You know, like a couple? So by saying 'Team PiperxJason', you're supporting them as a couple," Ivy explained carefully.

"And we all know Reyna is seriously infatuated with Jason, so-" Ro began to muse before staring at Ivy in disbelief. "Oh, you are EVIL!"

"Hey, don't blame me, blame my e-mail buddy. She wrote it!" Ivy said defensively. "SHE'S the cruel one! So, are you gonna help me?"

We all stared at her.

"Why in the name of Jupiter would I help you?" I snapped. "If it wasn't for that stupid contract, I would go running to the praetor right now to keep you from attempting these foolish pranks!"

Back when I first came to camp, I was sent on an errand in New Rome. While I was there a wheeled watermelon cart's brakes broke off and the thing headed right towards me, and would have squished me had I not been tackled out of the way just in the nick of time by a tall Asian girl.

I was so grateful that I promised (between chattering teeth- that was my first real brush with danger, so I was in shock) to give her anything she asked for. Stupid, I know. She asked me to sign some pieces of paper, which seemed rather strange, but at the time I was too shaken up to care. I signed the papers. Only later did I learn that my rescuer was Ivy Lokison, an incurable prankster, and the papers I'd signed were a contract stating that, should I ever have knowledge that she was going to pull a prank, I was not allowed to tell anyone on penalty of death. It turns out that Ivy had been spying on the camp (she wouldn't come to camp until three months later) and saw that I was in the Fifth Cohort and very law-abiding, and since she knew that she was going to wind up in the Fifth Cohort she figured that it would be best to take precautions. (What kind of warped person does that sort of thing? If she didn't swear by the River Styx that she didn't cause the watermelon cart to run away, I would think she'd arranged the whole accident to begin with.)

"I figured," shrugged Ivy, unfazed. She turned to Ro and Bobby, "What about y'all?"

"We can't do half of these pranks right now because we don't know who these people are," pointed out Bobby.

"That's fine. I was planning on spreading 'em out, anyway. My e-mail buddy asked me to wait for people named Travis and Connor Stoll and Leo Valdez to do some of them," Ivy replied, waving a hand dismissively.

"Who?"

"Some people who are apparently going to show up at our camp in a couple of years. Like I said, she lives in another dimension where our lives are documented in a book, she knows these things."

"Wait, our lives are...?" I began, extremely creeped out.

"Well, not OUR lives, specifically, but the lives of some Romans here, like the Hazel and Frank and Percy Jackson who are supposed to come in a few years. Oh, and Dakota. And Gwen. And Octavian. And Reyna. And Jason. I think that's it. Some guy named Rick Riordan writes about all of them. He's from the same dimension as my e-mail buddy, obviously."

I started to ask how he knew about Camp Jupiter and especially about events that would apparently happen in "a few years", but decided against it. If I acted too curious, they might think I was supporting their latest scheme.

"Before you give me too big a headache for me to think, which ones shall we do first?" Ro questioned. Ivy smirked, and began writing numbers next to the pranks she and the others would do first. I stared down at the first prank she wanted to do, and suddenly felt nauseated.

_We are all going to die._


	3. Number 2

2) Refer to Octavian by disgustingly sweet nicknames, such as "Tavey-kins", "Snuggle-Bug", or "Octy-Wocty".

**Ro's POV**

Ivy wanted to do one of the big things first, like T.P. the field in front of Terminus and or make Dakota go into super-hyper-ninja mode. I, however, vetoed the idea, saying it would be best if we start small. After all, what if the Stoll guys that were supposed to show up wanted in on one of those, I argued. Bobby agreed with me, and much to Ivy's disappointment, ticking off the god of OCDness was put off for another couple of years.

I almost wish we'd gone with Terminus. Octavian probably wouldn't hate me quite as much as he does now if I hadn't made him shoot himself in the foot.

This was right after Octavian first became augur, just about two years before Percy Jackson would show up at camp. Octavian shared the same archery practice as Ivy and I, and naturally he was gloating over his new position to some of his "friends" when Ivy called out, "Congratulations, Tavey-kins!" Today she was speaking like a fangirl on an anime (she talks in different accents every day), so that sentence sounded even more disturbing than it usually would.

Octavian froze. So did I. What in the world was Ivy doing?

"Ivy, what-" I began.

"It's number two on the list," Ivy whispered.

"The what?"

"The list. And it's the perfect opportunity. Didn't you say we should start small?"

I felt my heart sink when I realized what Ivy was referring to. Of course. That list she'd gotten from her alternate dimension e-mail buddy. (The sad thing is, after two years of being friends with Ivy, that sentence didn't even sound weird when I thought it. Only now as I'm typing it do I realize just how insane that sentence really is).

Don't get me wrong, I like pranking people, especially Octavian. That schuzzbucket needs a good punch in the face, and if it's me who gives it to him, I won't complain. However, I prefer pranking Octavian covertly, so he'll become increasingly irritated and frustrated when he can't find the perpetrator...and so I don't wind up sewn into a sack full of angry weasels. What Ivy was doing now was decidedly not covert.

"I wouldn't exactly say this is SMALL, Ivy-"

"WHAT did you call me?" Octavian demanded once he finally found his voice.

"Tavey-kins. It's a term of endearment. I was congratulating you for your new position," replied Ivy, giving him her most innocent smile. The look Octavian gave her was colder than the Antarctic during winter.

"Thank you," he said stiffly, and turned back to his friends, who had been grinning while Octavian's back was turned but immediately assumed the expressions of professional mourners when he turned his gaze back towards them again.

A little while later we were taking turns firing at targets, three of us at a time, and it was my, Ivy, and Gwen's turn. As she was getting ready for her first shot, Ivy turned her head towards Octavian and called, "This is for you, Octy-Wocty!"

"WHAT?" Octavian cried. I was too busy concentrating to look, but in my mind's eye I could see him turning a rather interesting shade of red. Ivy cackled, turned her head back towards the target, and fired. It hit dead-center.

"It was a bullseye, Honey Bunches of Oats!" she called over her shoulder. I shuddered, and muttered to her as we reloaded, "If you ever get a boyfriend, don't ever refer to him as that. Ever. You will be singing along to 'Single Ladies' for the rest of your life."

"In that case, at least we don't have to worry about Octavian wanting to date me," Ivy replied cheerfully. Three more arrows later (Ivy didn't do quite as well on those; probably too busy thinking about the next pet name she could call him), it was someone else's turn. As we headed back towards the main group sitting on the bleachers, Gwen whispered to me, "Is there something about Ivy and Octavian that I should know about?"

"No!" I said, a bit more loudly than I meant to. My face burning, I added more quietly, "She's just trying to get to him. As per usual."

"Oh," said Gwen, looking relieved. I couldn't blame her. If Octavian and Ivy, two mortal enemies, ever got together, it would be a sure sign of the apocalypse. (And, looking back, I also suspect Gwen was relieved because there's no way she could've handled hearing those sickly sweet nicknames anytime she was around the happy couple).

"Good luck, Tavey-Wavey!" Ivy called to Octavian as he lined up with the others.

"I'm gonna pukey-wukey in a minute," Ivy's half-brother, Paul, muttered under his breath.

Octavian didn't even look at her, but you could tell by his stiff movements that he was ready to fire at something (or someone) besides a practice target. It was times like this that I wondered whether Ivy was brave, or stupid. At this rate she would wind up fighting angry weasels for sure.

"C'mon, Ro, say something!" whispered Ivy.

"What?" I asked, looking at her like she was...on second thought, it wasn't "like" she was insane, it was BECAUSE she was insane.

"You said you'd do this with me, remember?"

"You want me to say a cutsie-wutsie pet name to the guy who hates my guts who also happens to be the new augur _**and is currently holding a dangerous** **weapon**?_"

"Uh-huh," she replied without batting an eyelid. I pondered why, exactly, I'd remained friends with her after all she'd put me through, and whether or not going through with this was really worth it. Well, I had promised, and if it freaked Octavian out...

"You need to aim a little higher, Snuggle-Bug!" I shouted out just as Octavian was drawing the bowstring back to shoot. Octavian yelped, the bow slid downwards, he accidentally let go of the string, and two seconds later everyone was gaping at their new augur as he hopped up and down, clutching his left foot and screaming like a little girl. There was an arrow through the foot, hence why he was freaking out.

"Oh. My. Gods..." I whispered, my hand flying to my mouth.

"Oops," Ivy muttered. Gwen was the first to unfreeze. She ran towards Octavian and tried to get him to calm down, shouting out, "Medic! We need a medic over here!"

I'm a daughter of Apollo, so I serve part-time as a medic, and I immediately ran towards Octavian. He, however, pointed at me and shrieked, "No! I don't want that wretch anywhere near me! Don't let her touch me! Get someone else! My foot! My FOOT!"

"Ivy, do you or one of your siblings have a sedative on you?" I demanded, turning to look at the group.

Ten excruciating minutes later, the unconscious Octavian was being carried by two of his fellow First Cohort members back to the barracks, the arrow having been successfully pulled from his foot after Paul knocked him out with a tranquilizer dart. (Which was illegal in camp, but no one was about to complain in this case). I'd given him some ambrosia, and the foot was already almost completely healed up. Once he got over the killer headache the tranquilizer would give him when he woke up, he'd be fine.

Looking back, the incident was actually pretty funny. Sure, Ivy and I wound up tossed into the lake with our hands tied behind our back, but it was totally worth it to see the look on Octavian's face the next time our paths crossed. He paled and took off running.

"What did you do NOW?" demanded Ariel, looking at us suspiciously.

"We didn't do anything, I swan," Ivy replied, shrugging. (This was a few days later, so she'd dropped the anime fangirl accent and was speaking in a West Virginian accent). Just then Octavian turned back to us, and shouted something along the lines of "I am NOT your Snuggle-bug, OR a type of cereal! I will call down the wrath of the gods upon you if you refer to me as Tavey-kins! Stay away, maniacs!"

Bobby and Ariel's jaws dropped, and they stared at us, Bobby looking amused and Ariel looking horrified.

"_Snuggle-Bug_?" she repeated.

"You were the ones who caused Octavian to shoot himself in the foot- literally," Bobby stated, his grin wider than a Chesire cat's.

"Wait, WHAT?" demanded Ariel. She turned on Ivy, "You swore you didn't do anything!"

"And we didn't. All we did was SAY stuff," replied Ivy, maintaining an innocent look for about ten seconds before grinning wickedly. "It was Tavey-kins' own fault he can't hold a bow and arrow to save his life."

"She just decided to do number two on the list during archery. I'm sorry we didn't wait for you, but..." I began.

"No, no, it's fine. Ivy would've made ME refer to Octavian as 'Snuggle-Bug', and that is a level I am not ready to sink to," Bobby replied, shuddering.


	4. Number 17

**A/N: *holds out white flag* Um, hi. Please don't kill me? I really have no excuse for the slow update, except for pure laziness, but I am sincerely sorry. **

**Disclaimer: I only own my OCs (crazy as they all are) and a fanfiction account. All else belongs to their various copyrighters and/or patenters.**

17) Ask Jason if you can borrow his coin for a coin toss. Repeatedly.

**Bobby's POV**

Since they left me out of the first item on the list, Ro and Ivy offered me the chance to select any prank I wanted. I chose number 17. When Ivy started laying out an elaborate plan, I told her no thanks, I would do this by myself. Ro and Ivy should let things cool down between them and the authorities before they attempted another prank, and besides, this was my chance to get revenge on Jason.

Not that I really had anything to avenge. It's just that I can't stand Jason Grace. Don't ask why, because I'm not entirely sure myself. Maybe it's because he's so popular- especially with the ladies- and I'm one of the camp losers, the "magic kid", the "elephant dude". (I take care of Hannibal, our war elephant. Why do we have a war elephant? No idea, but he's awesome). Maybe it's because he's way too powerful, even for a son of Jupiter. Maybe it's because he's just too...how do I put this...perfect? I mean, he's good-looking, he's a good speaker, he doesn't seem to have ANY weaknesses, he's a brilliant fighter, he became praetor at age twelve, something practically unheard of in the past two hundred years; he's like a Gary Stu in one of those fanfictions Ivy's e-mail buddy talks about! I wouldn't be surprised if they named him a god post-mortem!

So I was going to make him lose his temper in public. I was sure that if our oh-so-great praetor threw a temper tantrum like a toddler, he would be a little less revered.

So a week after Octavian shot himself in the foot (literally- Ivy, stop cackling maniacally, it was not THAT funny!), I walked up to Jason and said casually, "Hey, Jason! Can I borrow your coin for a second?"

"Why do you need to borrow my coin?" asked Jason, frowning. I noted from his eyes that he didn't recognize me. Figured. I'd been at camp for six months, and people STILL didn't know me, even when I started hanging around the Losers. I cannot count the times people thought I was a newbie, or forgot my name. I'd been called everything from "Arnold" to "Zephyr"- I was even called Rumpelstilsken (Rumplestilskin? Rumpelstileskin? Spell check won't recognize any of these!), once! What was I, invisible?

"For a coin toss," I replied innocently. Jason stared at me blankly.

"You do realize..." he began, then gave me another blank look.

"Bobby Pursuit," I said, barely keeping from rolling my eyes.

"...Bobby Pursuit, that this is not a normal coin? It's a weapon," finished Jason.

"Yeah. My friend and I need to use it for a bet. Spear I win, sword she wins," I replied.

Oh, how I wish we were allowed to bring technology into camp! If I'd taken a picture of Jason's face at that moment, it would've become a famous internet meme. The look he gave me was PRICELESS.

"Weapons are not made for your personal entertainment. And it's good to know you have nothing better to do than make bets all day," he said, and walked away.

Ordinarily I would've been insulted, but now I just grinned. This could be easier than I thought.

**Two Hours Later**

"Excuse me, Jason?" I said innocently as I approached the praetors' table at lunchtime.

"Yes?" he asked, looking up from a conversation with Thelma, the other praetor at the time.

"May I borrow your coin for a coin toss?"

The son of Jupiter stared at me. His eyes narrowed, "Haven't you asked me that before?"

"No," I replied, truthfully enough. I'd said "CAN I borrow your coin?" before, not "MAY I borrow your coin?".

"Well, the answer's no. Sorry, but I don't loan out weapons for bets."

With that, he went back to the conversation with Thelma.

"So, how's it going?" asked Ivy eagerly when I sat back down at the table with her and Ro. As usual, it was at the place of least honor: near the kitchen.

"Okay. I think I'm really going to have to start badgering him, though."

"You sure you don't want me to help? Driving people crazy's my speciality!"

"And don't we know it," muttered Ro, who was still sore at Ivy for accidentally dying both Ro's and her own hair pink (long story).

"No, thanks. I can handle this one on my own."

"Aw, our little Bobby's growing up! TO ANARCHY!" cheered Ivy, holding her glass of cherry Coke in the air. People at surrounding tables stared at her.

"Um, Ivy? You might not want to say that so loudly next time," I suggested quietly.

**Three Hours Later**

I couldn't believe it. I had asked Jason to borrow his coin for a coin toss THIRTEEN TIMES over the day, and he STILL hadn't cracked. He was as cool and collected as ever.

Ugh, if Jason didn't snap soon, I surely would! Maybe the dude WAS a Gary Stu! That would explain a lot! Maybe I should just give up and go and ask Dakota for some of his extra-sugary kool-aid to drown my sorrows in...

Wait a minute. Dakota? Wasn't one of the items on the list to give Dakota a bunch of energy drinks? I knew that Ivy already had a bunch of Monsters and Red Bulls stashed somewhere.

_It's time to think 'WWID': What Would Ivy Do? If I could give Jason something that made him hyper or, better yet, emotional...yeah, that would work...now, the question is, how to slip some to him?_

**Five Minutes Later**

"Please?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"He's the praetor! I can't give him the wrong drink!"

"He'll never know it's you. You're a wind spirit. You're invisible," I pointed out.

"I still can't do it! Not even for you!" retorted Fae, a wind spirit waitress I'd become good friends with during my time at camp. For some reason, while most of the humans didn't know I existed, a lot of the _venti_, _lares_, nymphs, and animals would not leave me alone. I think the nymph part was because I was a son of Trivia, but the rest was just random.

"But I don't know what else to do! I've been trying to make him lose his cool all day, and it isn't working! Please, Fae! This is my last shot!" I pleaded.

"Why do you want to annoy Jason so badly, anyway? Is this to impress Ivy?" questioned Fae.

"What? No! Why would you even THINK that?" I blurted out, shocked.

"C'mon, Bobby, I've been around you men for centuries. I know how your minds work. The first time a guy does something stupid...well, that's because he's a guy..."

"Hey!"

"But if he does the same stupid thing twice- or, in your case, thirteen times- it's usually to impress some girl. In your case, I'm thinking one Ivy Lokison. You've had a crush on her since your first day here."

"I do NOT..." I began, then saw that Fae was not going to give up. Deciding to humor her, I sighed, "It's that obvious, huh?"

"Mm-hmm," she nodded, smirking.

"Well, you know, this is one of the only things I could do that might really impress her. But without your help...she'll never like me as more than a friend," I said, trying to act as pitiful as I can. Fae's eyes softened.

"So...would you help me? Please?" I asked. Fae let out a sigh and shook her head, "I'm out of my mind, but I can't resist a good romance. Fine, I'll help."

**Four Hours Later**

I tried to eat my pizza casually, not stare at the officials' table too much, but it was hard. Luckily, I had Ivy to distract me.

"...and so I'm not only a daughter of Mercury and a great-granddaughter of Apollo, I'm also the great-great-great-great-great-granddaughter of Loki, Norse god of mischief," she finished.

"Next you'll be telling us you're the great-great-granddaughter of the Doctor from Doctor Who," snorted Ro.

"No, I'm not, though my e-mail buddy had a nightmare about that once."

"What happened?" I asked curiously.

"She found out that the Doctor was her ancestor."

"And...?"

"Nothing. She just learned he was her ancestor."

"Why's that such a bad thing?" I questioned, confused.

"Have you SEEN David Tennant? He is HOT! Especially when he talks in his Scottish accent...oh my gosh, he is the best Doctor EVER!" said Ivy with a fangirlish squeal, jumping up and down and giggling. Ro gave her a funny look, "Ivy, did you take your medicine this morning?"

"Maybe, maybe not-" Ivy began cryptically.

"There he goes!" I blurted out, noticing that Jason had started drinking. I prayed desperately to all the gods that Fae really had given him the drink I'd asked her to give him.

A few seconds later I got my answer. Jason's eyes widened in shock. Reyna, a centurion at the time, asked him if something was wrong, and he began to reply- then started bouncing up and down like Ivy and talking at a million miles a minute.

_Success!_

"Wow. What did you give him?" whispered Ivy.

"Nothing. Just some Red Bull with extra caffeine and sugar," I replied casually. Ivy grinned and hugged me, "You really ARE growing up!"

As she hugged me a blush rose to my face, and with a jolt of shock I realized that Fae was right: I really DID have a crush on Ivy. I just hadn't noticed before. (Yes, Ivy, it IS possible to not know you like someone. Look at Ro and Trevor!)

"Um, yeah. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to finish some important business," I said, and pulled away from the hug and headed towards the officials' table. "Excuse me, Jason?"

"Yes?" asked Jason, who was no longer bouncy but clearly still affected by the caffeine. His eyes widened when he recognized me, "Hey! You're that Bobby Pursuit guy who's been asking for my coin all day! What do you want? My coin for a coin toss?"

"Yes, actually-"

"Well, guess what! You can't have it! It's mine! It's all mine!" cried Jason as he leapt onto the table. You know how in animes they sweatdrop? That's what I was doing right now. _Maybe I gave him a bit too much caffeine..._

"You'll never get to use my weapon for a coin toss, nor will anyone else, or my name isn't-"

With no warning, a pan of pizza flew overhead and hit Jason in the head. He fell to the floor, stunned.

"Jason!" cried Thelma as she and several other people shot to their feet and ran over to him.

I stood there frozen with shock for a minute, then quietly made my way back to my table, still shocked. Ro and Ivy were watching the scene with slack jaws. Finally, they turned towards me.

"Well...I take it you didn't plan for it to end that way?" Ro said finally. I shook my head.

"At least they can't blame you for this one. But maybe you should stay away from Jason for the next few weeks. And there's always Canada to flee to if he decides to kill you," added Ivy thoughtfully. Ro let out a sigh, "Why is it that everytime YOU start something, WE'RE the ones who get hurt?"

"Whaddaya mean?" asked Ivy, looking at Ro blankly. "You're not the one who got a concussion from a flying pizza pan."

* * *

**A/N:**

**1) The "first time a guy does something is because he's a guy" line comes from The Lorax 2012.**

**2) I'm sorry if Jason seemed OOC in this chapter. I haven't read The Lost Hero in a while, and writing for characters not my own is tough for me anyway.  
**

**3) Trivia, the Roman version of Hecate- goddess of magic- was known to sometimes steal young maidens and assist them with their powers. These women later became nymphs. Hence why Bobby made that comment about how the nymphs liking him "must've had something to do with being a son of Trivia".**

**Thanks to everyone who reads and reviews! Again, sorry for the slow update!**


	5. Number 13

13) Give Dakota three cans of Red Bull, four cans of Monster, and as many candy bars as he can eat. Then hand him a paintball gun, a pair of roller skates, and a ski mask.**  
**

**Ivy's POV**

Finally! It's my turn to write a chapter! You have ANY idea how long I've waited for this? I've had so many things I wanted to say when Ariel, Ro, and Bobby were writing their chapters, but TheCrazyBookworm wouldn't let me! She said it would distract from the story! So I'm going to say them now:

Okay, first of all, IT is NOT my favorite movie. It's not even in the top five. I only named us the Losers like in IT because Ro refused to let me name us "The Amazing, Baddical Ivy and Her Awesomely Baddical Friends". Second, yes, Bobby, "Octavian shot himself in the foot- literally" is an EXTREMELY funny sentence. Third, I really am the great-great-great-great-great-granddaughter of Loki. Hence why my last name is "Lokison". Fourth, Ro and Bobby do NOT always get hurt when I start something. In fact, it's very rare that anyone is injured in any way (unless you count psychologically) when I pull a prank; Octavian shooting himself in the foot and Jason getting hit with a flying pizza pan (a wind spirit threw it, by the way; she didn't mean to hit him, Jason was just at the wrong place at the wrong time) were freak accidents. Fifth, I can't believe it's not butter. Can YOU believe it's not butter? No idea why I said that. And I'm babbling, aren't I?

Alright, on with the story.

For the next prank, I wanted to do something big. Something that would affect the whole camp. And since I'd already been stocking up a bunch of energy drinks for it, I decided to go ahead with the Dakota prank.

Unfortunately, my partners in crime as well as Dakota were off on a trip to Berkeley at the time, so I had to wait for them to return to do it. I don't do well with waiting. I loathe it with every fiber in my being, actually. Ro says that it's because I have "the attention span of a squirrel and ten times the energy". I say that it's because waiting's evil.

I tried to make the best of it. I ran errands, combed unicorns, checked in on Hannibal, chatted with my e-mail buddy, did a shadow puppet show, impersonated Elvis Presley, poked random things with a stick, ran around waving my arms and screaming like a maniac, acted out various scenes from The Princess Bride, bought some dynamite from my brother Paul, and played checkers with a _lar_ whose full name I cannot spell or pronounce, so I call him Al. By the time Ariel, Ro, and Bobby returned to the barrack I'd become so desperate that I was teaching Paul, Al and some other _lares _how to do the "Thriller" dance.

"Oh, hey, guys!" I greeted them as the _lares_ and I moonwalked.

It was interesting, how differently they each reacted. Ariel (a ginger, the lucky girl!) stared at me in bewilderment then moaned and walked out of the room, muttering something about jumping in the lake. Ro (she, by the way, has blue eyes, freckled skin, and normally she has black hair, but at this point it was pink due to a mishap with a magic potion I was trying to use to turn my hair ginger) asked me where I'd gotten the stereo, answered herself- "You 'know a guy'"- and shrugged and joined in with the dance. Bobby (he's Japanese, like me, but he's darker and doesn't have green in his eyes) laughed, said he needed to check on Hannibal and that when we were done we should get ready for evening muster, and left, still chuckling.

"Wait! Bobby! Blast it, Ah wanted tae talk to him about our next prank!" I moaned.

"Ooh, a new prank? When are you gonna do it?" asked Al.

"Tonight, if Ah can," I replied, wondering why he was so interested.

"Drat!" said Al, snapping his fingers and looking disappointed.

"Ha! Told ya! You owe me five denarii!" said Paul, grinning. I ended the dance lesson and Al scowled and stormed off, Paul following after him. The other _lares _exited as well.

"So, what'd you say about another prank?" asked Ro after a moment. She was acting all casual, like "Oh, okay, you've been teaching dead people how to moonwalk and now people are making bets on your pranks. No biggie". This is why we're best friends. (Ah, best friends. The kind of people who can chase you through the entire camp for dyeing their hair pink one minute, then be discussing cute guys with you the next).

"Ah was planning to do number 13 on the list my e-mail buddy sent me. You know, the one about Dakota?" I replied. Ro paled, "I thought we were going to stick to small pranks for now."

"When did we agree ta do that? C'mon, it'll be fun! What're you afraid of?"

"Besides Octavian shooting himself with an arrow? Or Jason getting a concussion from Italian cuisine?" asked Ro dryly. She sighed, and slowly smiled, "Okay, I'm in."

"Excellent! Okay, let's go get Bobby! Allons-y! Tally-ho!" I cried, pausing to point dramatically before running out of the room.

**Thirty Minutes Later**

"Is it working? Are you hyper yet? Please tell me that you're hyper! Come on, come on, come on!" I cried, bouncing up and down.

"Are you sure you didn't sneak a sip of the Red Bull, Ivy?" Ro asked. I ignored her. (I had, in fact, had a sip of Monster, but she wasn't going to get the satisfaction of knowing that). "Come on, Dakota! Get hyper already! HYPERNESS FOR THE WIN!"

Ro, Bobby, and I were back in the barracks, and had given Dakota all but the last candy bar. (We bribed him into doing it, in case you're wondering). As he unwrapped it, he frowned, "This is weird. Usually I'd be bouncing off the walls by now."

"Anyone else would be in a sugar coma by now," observed Bobby. Dakota finished eating the last candy bar. We all waited. Nothing. Zilch. Zero. Nada. (Why do I have a sudden urge to watch Veggietales?)

Just when I was about to call it quits, Dakota's eyes widened until I thought they would pop out of his sockets and roll around on the floor. He started bouncing up and down, then began running all over the room, literally bouncing off the walls.

"SUCCESS!" I cheered, then picked up the paintball gun, roller skates, and ski mask and stopped Dakota as he ran past. "Hey, Dakota! Do ye want to wreak mayhem on Camp Jupiter?"

"MAYHEM! WHOO! I LOVE MAYHEM! MAYHEM IS AWESOME!" Dakota shouted, jumping up and down.

"He's like Ivy's clone," I heard Ro comment behind me. I pulled the ski mask on over Dakota's face, put the roller skates on his feet, and handed him the paintball gun. "Then here! Go wreak some mayhem! Get out there and make Mama proud!"

"YES!" cheered Dakota, and zoomed out of the room, shouting, "FOR NARNIAAAA!"

"For Narnia?" muttered Bobby, confused.

"What are you doing?" asked Ro, noticing the device in my hand.

"Clocking him," I answered, then let out an impressed whistle, "98 miles an hour on roller skates! He ought to be in the Olympics!"

Just then, we heard screaming. We exchanged looks and ran to the doorway to see complete chaos. Campers were running everywhere, trying desperately to get away from a madly cackling figure in a ski mask zooming around and shooting paintballs everywhere. The white marble buildings were covered in blots every color of the rainbow, and so were several of the pedestrians, for that matter.

"I love my job," I said, sighing with satisfaction.

Ten minutes later, Dakota passed out. When he woke up from his sugar coma three days later, he explained that Ro, Bobby, and I had bribed him. Octavian wanted to punish us via sewing us into sacks with angry weasels, but I guess Jason was amused by our actions or just decided to show us mercy, because the four of us wound up scrubbing the paintball stains off the buildings. That is harder than it sounds, especially if they only give you some soapy water and toothbrushes to work with. It took us a whole thirty-six hours to finish it to the overseers' satisfaction.

At least it gave me plenty of time to come up with a plan for the next prank, though.


	6. Number 26

**A/N:**** Whoa! Over one thousand hits! Thank you, thank you, thank you, to everyone who read and/or reviewed and/or favorited! Y'all are AWESOME!**

**Headintheclouds818 pointed out a big error in my story: I said that Bobby disliked Jason, and in The Lost Hero Jason remembers Bobby as a friend. I'm sorry for forgetting that, and thank you for pointing that out. I figure I can go two ways about this: either Bobby and Jason become friends, or Jason thinks that they become friends while truthfully Bobby still doesn't like him very much. Any suggestions?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Percy Jackson and the Olympians, nor any of the characters mentioned except for my OCs. Percy Jackson belongs to a genius named Rick Riordan.**

* * *

26) Sing "Womanizer" anytime someone mentions Apollo.

**Ro's POV**

Our previous pranks may have been risky, but this one took the cake as our most dangerous yet: number 26, singing "Womanizer" anytime someone mentions Apollo. You have to understand something about Apollo in Roman tradition: he's one of the most important gods, one of the most revered. He's the god of prophecy, healing, poetry, plague, the sun god...you name it. You do NOT make fun of him. Not only will that get you punished by the Romans, but it also might get you killed by Apollo himself.

So, naturally, Ivy made _me_ do it.

She figured that because I'm Apollo's daughter, he might not fry me to a crisp, or, in Ivy's words, "give you the bubonic plague, make you have horrible visions about the end of the world, make you listen to It's a Small World non-stop for a year, and then turn you into a cow and shoot you full of arrows so he can have a Ro burger with extra fries on the side."

"Thank you. I feel SO encouraged now. Have you ever considered a career in motivational speaking?" I said sarcastically. Bobby, Ivy, and I were sitting on the porch of our barrack, discussing (translation: arguing about) Ivy's newest idea. It had been three weeks since the super-hyper-ninja Dakota incident.

"Okay, so maybe I'm exaggerating a little about what he'd do. But the point is, you're his kid, so he probably WON'T do all those things to you," said Ivy. She was speaking in a thick Indian accent that day.

"The gods aren't exactly allowed to favorable towards their children. He'd probably do something WORSE. Like persuade Venus to make me fall in love with a bear," I said, shuddering.

"Oh, he wouldn't do THAT. He might turn you INTO a bear, but..."

"Here's an idea you've probably never had before: stop talking."

"I highly doubt he's going to make you fall in love with a bear or give you bubonic plague or anything else, Ro. And you WERE going a bit too far, Ivy. So why don't you guys stop fighting so we can figure this out already?" Bobby said calmly. We both looked at him.

"What's there to figure out? I sing a song about Apollo's tendency to be quite the ladies' man anytime someone brings up his name," I said.

"You don't have to sing it alone. Ivy and I can..."

"No, you can't. As much as it pains me to say it, Ivy's right. I'm probably the only one of us who can do it without getting shot full of arrows. And if he does decide to punish me, I don't want either of you guys involved."

"Excellent! Okay, I'm going to pick up the ten pounds of glitter I ordered from that suspicious-looking chariot salesman!" declared Ivy, and ran off, passing Ariel as she went. Ariel glared at us suspiciously as she walked up, "Why is Ivy buying so much glitter? Is this part of one of those pranks on that list her 'email buddy' sent her?"

"No, it's got nothing to do with any of them, and certainly not the one we're doing next," I answered truthfully.

"Then why..."

"It's Ivy. It's best not to question these things," Bobby said practically. There are three things Bobby says on a daily basis: "What's up?", "Cool", and "It's Ivy. It's best not to question these things".

"The explanation would make no sense anyway," I added.

* * *

**One Hour Later**

No matter how long you've been in the legion, mythology class is a necessary part of training. The Roman empire had this habit of taking the gods and goddesses of the people they conquered and making them their own. (Well, with a few exceptions such as the Jew's Jehovah. The Jews and Romans never got along; they were too different, and the Romans were "Gentiles" and thus "unclean"). So, needless to say, we've got hundreds of deities, and a bunch of stories about said deities. Today we happened to be hearing one about Apollo regarding a certain woman named Cassandra. In the story, Apollo offers Cassandra the ability to see the future if she gives him a kiss. When she sees him helping to destroy Troy she grows angry, and as Apollo moves in to kiss her, spits in his face. In response he adds to her gift: anytime she warns somebody about her visions, they don't believe her. (And Ivy wonders why I was so worried about him doing something bad to me if I badmouthed him).

The speaker, a _lar_, began, "As you know, before Rome, there was the city of Troy. One day the god Apollo Phoebus-"

I gulped, and, unable to muster the courage to sing any louder, began singing under my breath, "_**Superstar, where you from? How's it going?I know you got a clue what you're doing. You can play brand new to all the other chicks out here. But I know what you are, what you are,**** baby**..._"

The teacher glanced over at me. It was only a spare glance and I knew better than to flinch or look guilty, but my heart still did a little dance and I fell silent.

"...saw Cassandra, a beautiful and young priestess, and fell in love with her. So Apollo-"

"_**Look at you gettin' more than just a re-up. Baby, you got all the puppets with their strings up. Fakin' like a good one but I call 'em like I see 'em. I know what you are, what you are,**_**_ baby_,**" I sang. I thought it was under my breath again, but the person sitting next to me- Julia, Apollo's granddaughter- heard me and started snickering.

"'Womanizer'. That oughta be his theme song," muttered Julia.

"...if she would give him a kiss. Cassandra agreed, and with a laugh, Apollo..."

"_**Womanizer, woman-womanizer, you're a womanizer. Oh, womanizer, oh, you're a womanizer baby. You, you-you are, you, you-you are. Womanizer, womanizer,**_**_ womanizer_,"** I sang, and that time I wasn't the only one. Julia sang it too, loudly enough to catch the attention of some people a few feet away. They started snickering. The teacher turned to look at us, and we all immediately sat up straight, innocent looks on our faces. The teacher glared suspiciously a moment, then resumed his lesson. "Now, where was I...ah, yes, Apollo..."

"_**Boy don't try to front. I-I know just-just what you are are-are. Boy don't try to front. **__**I-I know just-just what you are are-are**_," Julia and I sang quietly.

"...and instantly, Cassandra could see the future. She was shocked to see Apollo..."

"_**(You!). You got me goin'. (You!). You're oh so charmin'. (You!). But I can't do it. (You!). You womanizer**_," Julia and I sang, Julia singing the "(You!)" part.

"...Troy. When Apollo..."

By now, Julia and I weren't the only ones singing. Several other people in the class were singing quietly as well, and several more were trying not to snicker. I'd had no idea so many people knew that song.

"_**Daddy-O, you got the swagger of a champion. Too bad for you, you just can't find the right companion. I guess when you have one too many, makes it hard, it could be easy. Who you are, that's just who you are,**** baby,"**_we were all singing by the time Cassandra angrily spat in Apollo's face. The teacher was still totally oblivious. By the time Cassandra was trying to warn her people about the Trojan Horse, we were finishing the song.

"_**Womanizer, woman-womanizer, you're a womanizer. Oh, womanizer, oh, you're a womanizer baby,"**_we all sang loudly just as the teacher finished speaking. Everyone burst out laughing.

The _lar_ stared at us, then scowled, "I cannot believe this! Roman soldiers engaging in musical numbers when they're supposed to be learning about their history?! Why, in my day..."

Much to my surprise, besides a two-hour lecture from the teacher and a slight increase in chores, I wasn't punished that much. Well, by humans, anyway. For the next month, I would spontaneously burst into song- usually while in the mess or somewhere else where a lot of people could see me- and I suspected that it was Apollo's way of "disciplining" me. But compared to receiving the plague or falling in love with a bear, I got off pretty easy.

* * *

**A/N: I didn't particularly care for this chapter. It was hard to write, and I didn't find it all that funny. I did realize, though, that the song does fit Apollo rather well.**

**I read the myth of Apollo and Cassandra at rome dot mrdonn dot org slash romangods slash cassandra dot html, and the 'Womanizer' lyrics came from metrolyrics. **


	7. Number 3

**A/N: Sorry for the hiatus. I just started school this week, and have ALREADY had homework to deal with. Only at my school...**

**Thanks again to everyone who has read or reviewed. **

**Disclaimer: Rick Riordan has not given me the copyrights to Percy Jackson, therefore, I own nothing except my OC's. And a bipolar cat.**

* * *

3) Dress up as Gandalf, ride on a giant eagle, and leap in front of a fort during the middle of a war game and shout to the invading team "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

**Bobby's POV**

It was about a year and two months before Percy Jackson would come to camp. Ro and I were sitting on Ro's bunk playing poker when Ariel came in, scowling and muttering, "...Bad news, why can't they see that?...Camp Jupiter's gonna fall apart if they keep letting maniacs like that in..."

"What'd Ivy do?" asked Ro, confused. It had been weeks since Ivy's last prank, Ariel had no reason to be annoyed at her (then again, Ariel seems to be annoyed at all of us even when we're acting like model soldiers...).

"I wasn't talking about her, I was talking about that Nico DiAngelo kid who just showed up!" retorted Ariel.

"Who?" I questioned. I hadn't heard anything about a new kid, and thanks to my connections with the _lares_ and nymphs, I usually know about newcomers practically the minute they cross the border. Still, the name itself sounded vaguely familiar...

"Nico DiAngelo, a son of Pluto. He just showed up in the middle of camp. He's talking to the praetors right now," replied Ariel.

"Whaddaya mean, 'just showed up in the middle of camp'?" inquired Ro.

"He just randomly appeared. He tumbled out of thin air and landed right at my feet. He seemed to have no idea where he was, but he acted calm enough when Jason and Reyna led him away to interrogate him." (By then, Reyna had become praetor). Ariel shook her head, "Octavian is going to have a cow when he finds out about this. A son of Pluto showing up just as we're in the middle of a war with the Titans..."

"What's wrong with a son of Pluto?" I questioned. Ro and Ariel both stared at me.

"Have you ever paid attention during Mythology?" demanded Ariel.

"Yeah. Why?"

"Then you do know that Pluto is the ruler of Hades, the Underworld?"

"So?"

"So, Romans don't like the Underworld. Generally the only way to get there is to die. And most sane people see dying as something to avoid if you can help it."

"And so Romans don't like Pluto, and since they don't like Pluto, they don't like children of Pluto. Having one in camp is a bad omen, like smashing a mirror or having a black cat cross your path," concluded Ro.

"Bad enough that we're fighting Saturn. Now we have to deal with some creep who's probably half-crazy and who'll make Octavian throw a hissy fit the size of California!" grumbled Ariel.

"Wot did I do?" cried Ivy indignantly as she walked in. (She was speaking in a Cockney accent that day). "For your information I 'aven't pulled anything for two weeks, no one's got any reason to be rantin' about 'ow I'm a dangerous maniac...well, Octavian does, but..."

"She was talking about someone else this time, Ivy," I said hastily.

"Oh. Wow, really?" asked Ivy, impressed. (It wasn't that often that Ariel found someone besides Ivy worth complaining about). "Is it that Nico DiAngelo kid 'oo was just in that meeting with Reyna and Jason? 'E said 'e wasn't going to be a camper, if that 'elps calm you down, Ariel. Apparently 'e's just 'ere to 'elp us with the war effort, maybe by spying on Mount Diablo..."

"Wait, how do you know what they said in the meeting? Were you spying on them?" demanded Ariel. Ivy turned towards us, pointedly ignoring Ariel's last question, "You realize 'oo DiAngelo is, right?"

"A son of one of the most powerful and feared gods of Rome? An Italian? A guy with an angelic last name?" suggested Ro dryly.

"Well, yeah, and 'e reminds me weirdly of Gaara from Naruto too, but that's not the point! 'E's Nico! You know, from the list?" said Ivy. Realization hit me. Of course, THAT'S where I'd heard the name before! We were supposed to give some girl named Hazel a Happy Meal in front of him, or something along those lines.

"Are we supposed to do it now?" I asked. Ivy shook her head, "No, there isn't anybody named 'Azel 'ere yet. Nico's arrival did make me think of another prank, though, that I've been itching to do..."

"It better not involve Octavian. He's on a short fuse as it is; I, for one, really, really want to avoid dying at the hands of a teddy bear serial killer. After all I've been through, that would be a huge rip-off," said Ro.

"Don't worry, I don't plan to prank our dear power-hungry creeper Tavey-kins until after the war is won and all of Rome is celebrating," said Ivy. (She still referred to Octavian by sickeningly sweet nicknames, quite often when he was only standing a few feet away. It was a miracle she hadn't "mysteriously" fallen down some stairs and broken her neck yet). "Before Nico came I was eavesdropping on a conversation between Reyna and Jason about the war games tonight-"

"So you WERE spying on them!" cried Ariel.

"-and Cohorts Five and Three are defending the fort tonight. So I was thinkin' the time is ripe for number three," concluded Ivy.

"Is that the Gandalf one?" I asked. Ivy nodded, went into her closet (in our barracks, we each get our own closet, albeit tiny ones), and closed the door. A few minutes later she emerged wearing a Gandalf the Grey costume, complete with beard, long grey hair, bushy grey eyebrows, and staff.

"'A wizard is never late, nor is he ever early. He arrives precisely when he intends to'," she said in a gruff voice. _I love her,_ I thought, shaking my head and smiling.

"Where did you get that?" asked Ariel, eyeing "Gandalf" in shock.

"I know a guy," Ivy answered in her normal voice, waving a hand dismissively.

"You should've seen her imitating George Bush the day we met," Ro told Ariel. "I thought I really had been knocked over by the president of the U.S."

"That was probably just 'cause you 'ad a concussion. I wasn't THAT good," said Ivy modestly. Ariel moaned and rolled her eyes, "Have I ever mentioned that you're nuts?"

"You never really stop," Ivy replied, shrugging.

* * *

**Three Hours Later**

Gwen and Dakota were our centurions by now, and once we were all in the fort for the war games, Gwen divided people up. Some went to the water cannons, some defended the gate, etc. Ro was a medic and was thus in the air on a giant eagle, on standby for any potential injuries, and I was working a water cannon.

The game began. Somehow in the heat of battle, while I was busy blasting people with water, I had time to look behind me, and could barely suppress a grin when I saw someone riding towards the fort on a giant eagle. Someone dressed as a certain Middle Earth wizard.

An archer nearby cocked an arrow, ready to shoot the strange newcomer out of the sky. I shouted quickly, "Don't! She's one of us!". Apparently he heard me, because he lowered the bow.

A moment later Ivy leapt from the eagle to the outside of the gate, did a little roll to break her fall, and then stood up straight just as some campers from the Fourth Cohort came up to the gate.

It is rare for Romans in the heat of battle to become so stunned that they freeze up, but the Fourth Cohort people did.

"What the- Lokison?" sputtered a blond boy. Ivy/Gandalf slowly lifted her staff up in the air, then screamed out in a voice that could be heard by almost everyone, "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!". She slammed the bottom end of her staff into the ground, and a bright light flashed, blinding me. When I could see properly again, I realized that everyone in the invading army was covered in glitter. They looked, as Ro put it, "Like Edward Cullen had exploded on them". All of them had frozen up by this point.

_Oh. So THAT'S what the glitter was for_ was my first thought. My second thought was, _Crap. Octavian got the worst of it. How's Ivy going to talk her way out of being excommunicated and/or killed THIS time?_

Three hours, two long rants about maniacs from a ticked-off Octavian, several lectures, and more glares than I can count later, it was decided to let Ivy off easy. Well, the Roman version of easy, which is not being excommunicated or killed. Instead she was forced to clean out the stables, scrub all the toilets in camp, and give pedicures to all of the people she'd hit with glitter. (No, that is not a typical Roman punishment. Octavian came up with that one, and in my opinion, it was far too cruel. Ivy has a pathological phobia of touching other people's feet).

On the plus side, though, that Halloween, she had an excellent Gandalf costume to wear.

* * *

A/N: Wow, there wasn't that much prank in there this time. The first part is so long because I wanted to establish some background, tie the story in with events in the actual timeline. (A year and two months before Percy arrived at Camp Jupiter, it was August, the month the Titan War really became serious and I assume the Romans were as much at war with the Titans as the Greeks at that point. Nico DiAngelo discovering Camp Jupiter then is pure guesswork, based on my theory that he was spying for Camp Jupiter in Percy's vision in The Last Olympians). I tried to make it as funny as possible, but I'm not sure that it worked.


	8. Number 22

22) Plant some fake Greek invasion plans somewhere that Octavian's sure to find them.

**Ivy's POV**

You may have noticed there's no author note at the beginning of the chapter. That's because TheCrazyBookworm isn't writing any of it. She's a little...tied up at the moment. MUAHAHAHA!

Seriously, though, I got fed up at her procrastinating on the next chapter of this story, especially since this one is from my point of view. I mean, this is the second time she's done that! Does she have something against me? She better not; we're e-mail buddies, I can send her a virus that'll wipe out her entire hardrive!

What was I talking about? Oh, yeah, I got fed up at her procrastination, so I transported to her house (no one but her and the cats were home, thank the gods), tied her up, and hacked into her fanfiction account. She's yelling at me right now. I should've brought along a gag. Oh, well, I'm getting outta here as soon as I finish this chapter anyway.

Right. Well, Ro, Bobby, and I did the next prank on the list a week after the Gandalf incident. We had just defeated the Titans, like I knew we would, and all of Rome was celebrating. The party went on for a week. If you ever want to attend an AWESOME party, come to Camp Jupiter right after a major victory.

Anyway, the very first day of the celebration, I decided it was time to prank our not-so-beloved augur again. I managed to get Ro and Bobby away from the celebration, and we proceeded to make some Greek invasion plans.

Bobby has the best handwriting, so he wrote the words, and Ro drew the maps. I pitched in by telling Bobby how to properly spell words (he has the best handwriting, but he's still dyslexic and STINKS at spelling) and singing songs like "Eye of the Tiger" and "I Can Go the Distance" to motivate them.

Finally the plans were done, and we drew straws to see who would plant the plans. I won. (And contrary to what Ro says, I did NOT cheat!)

Before I headed out, I dressed up in a ninja costume to ensure nobody would see me (and just because I want to be a ninja. Ninjas are cool). I slipped the plans into a pocket.

I slunk from shadow to shadow, almost a shadow myself, unnoticed. I had a couple of close calls with a Lar, but luckily nobody saw me. Finally I reached the temple of Jupiter. The place looks quite creepy at night.

"Oh, great and powerful Jupiter, please don't zap me with a lightning bolt for this. I'm not doing this to disrespect you, I have all the respect for you in the world. It's bad ol' Tavey-Wavey I can't stand," I prayed under my breath as I approached the altar. I slowly lowered the plans onto the altar. No lightning bolts. Good. I hadn't angered the gods again. (Long story).

I sauntered out casually, singing under my breath, "_**Miss-miss-mission, Im-imposs-i-ble...**_**" **

* * *

All was peaceful the next day at breakfast. Well, as peaceful as a mess hall full of happy Romans can get. No fights had broken out and no one had gotten a concussion from a flying plate, so I guess the scene counts as serene.

Ro, Bobby, and I were in the middle of a chat with Paul and Al when Octavian burst into the mess hall. He looked awful. There were dark circles under his eyes, his hair was flying in every direction, he was paler than usual. And he looked crazier than usual.

"What did I tell you? I KNEW they were still around, plotting against us! Some might even be here in this very camp, just waiting to murder us!" he screamed, running up to the officials' table and waving around some rolled-up papers he had in his hand.

"What are you talking about?" asked Reyna.

"The Greeks! They're still alive, and worse, they're planning to invade us! Look!" shouted Octavian, slamming the papers down on the table. Reyna and Jason looked at each other, then unrolled the papers. The whole camp watched them read it, waiting to see what their verdict would be.

"Octavian, where did you find these?" Jason asked after a moment.

"On the altar, when I was reading the augurs at three o'clock this morning!"

"Why was he up at three o'clock in the morning?" whispered Ro, confused.

"I haven't the faintest idea," I said, trying not to smirk. I knew very well that he had been up all night, courtesy of the Benedril I'd slipped into his drink at suppertime last night. Ironically, the medicine that knocks most people out gives him tenfold energy. Not to mention makes him highly irritable and makes it difficult for him to process things logically.

Meanwhile, Octavian was still ranting about how there was going to be a repeat of the fall of Troy if we weren't careful. Finally Reyna held up a hand to interrupt him. "Octavian, you say you found these on the altar?"

"Yes."

"So you honestly believe that a Greek intending to invade us would carelessly leave their plans out somewhere someone was sure to find them?"

"Yes! Greeks are-"

"And you haven't had any sleep in over twenty-four hours?"

It took him a while, but Octavian finally realized that Reyna thought he was crazy. He really got going then. He might have made a speech finer than Mark Antony's at Caesar's funeral and gotten all of Rome on his side...except for the fact that he'd taken Benedril. So his speech just sounded like the ravings of a lunatic.

Oh, crap! TheCrazyBookworm's family's pulling into the driveway! I've gotta hurry!

Okay, long story short: nobody believed Octavian. Octavian didn't live incident down for months. But Octavian's scary and few laughed at him. Ro, Bobby, and I weren't caught. We still burst out laughing anytime someone mentions the word "Greek". I wore the ninja costume for the panda Pillow Pet prank a year later.

They're pounding on the door, yelling for TheCrazyBookworm to unlock it. I've gotta go. I wonder how they'll react when they find her tied up and laying on the bathroom floor...

Lokison out!


	9. Number 30

**A/N: That awkward moment when your parents find you tied up on the bathroom floor and you have to explain about your crazy Roman demigod e-mail buddy. Oh, well. At least now they understand why I'm getting gray hair though still an adolescent...**

**Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed. To the guest reviewer who found number 29 offensive: I sincerely apologize. I did not mean to offend any British people. I was simply taking a quote from Shakespeare's Julius Caesar, and since Shakespeare was British I figured it'd be funnier to say it in a bad British accent. I'm just a stupid American, I guess.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except my characters.**

* * *

30) Give Hazel a Happy Meal in front of Nico. Do not say anything, just give it to her with a very solemn expression, stare pointedly from her to Nico, nod gravely, and run away. This will confuse Hazel and annoy Nico, at the very least.

**Ro's POV**

Not all of our pranks worked out quite the way we wanted them to. Okay, SEVERAL pranks didn't work out the way we wanted them to, but number 30 was especially botched. Ivy says Bobby and I just didn't do it properly. Bobby says that it too spur-of-the-moment, and we should have planned better. I say the llama threw us off and prevented us from being able to either plan or perform the task properly.

Bobby and I were just walking out of a shop in Berkeley in November, about two months after the end of the Titan War, when Ivy rode up on a llama. Yes, you read that correctly. It was a very big llama with patchy brown-and-white fur. Bobby's jaw dropped, and even though I'd known Ivy for four years by this point, I was gawking too.

"No time to explain! Get on the llama!" Ivy yelled, patting the bit of saddle (of COURSE she'd found a saddle for the llama) behind her.

"Wh-where did you..." I stammered.

"I SAID there's no time to explain!" barked Ivy. I was bewildered and Bobby thought he was hallucinating, but we climbed onto the llama. Once we were on Ivy said something and the llama took off running. I yelped and clung desperately to Bobby, who was clinging to Ivy.

"So where did the llama come from?" I shouted over the wind. I tried not to think about the pedestrians staring at us as we flew past.

"I bought 'im! I know a guy in the llama business willing ta give me a discount!" Ivy hollered back. Today she was speaking in a thick Brooklyn accent.

_Of course you do!_ I thought sarcastically. "Where, exactly, do you intend on keeping this thing?"

"His name is Spartacus, and I'm not sure where I'm gonna keep him, but that's not an issue right now! You'll never believe who I saw at camp!"

"Who?" Bobby, who was quite green- apparently his stomach didn't like the idea of riding a llama- asked.

"Hazel! The chick from the list!"

I vaguely remembered number 30 on the list from Ivy's e-mail buddy: something about giving Hazel a Happy Meal in front of Nico. "Okay, so why the hurry? And why are we riding on a llama?"

"Because we need to order a Happy Meal before Nico leaves camp again, and I wanna see the expression on the McDonald's drive thru's person's face when they see us ordering food from on top of a llama! I'm killin' two birds with one stone!"

"You're also torturing my stomach!" Bobby moaned. "Please, slow down!"

* * *

I feel sorry for the poor woman who was working at the drive thru that day. She looked really, really confused and then really, really scared when she saw three teenagers ride up on a giant llama. But to her credit, she did manage to take our order and give us the food without freaking out, though I think she went to a therapist afterwards.

At any rate, thirty minutes later we were coming to a stop on the street outside our barrack.

I peeled myself off of Bobby, tried to climb off the llama, and wound up falling flat on my face. As I sat up I heard Ivy say, "Um, Bobby, Spartacus stopped. You can let go now."

Bobby blinked, looking confused, then realized that he still had his arms wrapped around Ivy's waist. He blushed and quickly let go. I cocked an eyebrow at him quizzically. _What is up with him lately? Anytime Ivy hugs him or compliments him, he turns into Bashful. All he needs is a gnome-like hat and Grumpy, Sneezy, Sleepy, Doc, Dopey, and Happy. _(Yes, Bobby, it was THAT obvious).

Bobby dismounted Spartacus, but Ivy stayed on. She passed me the Happy Meal. "I think Nico and Hazel are up on Temple Hill. You guys do the prank, and I'll go grovel at Reyna and Jason's feet until they allow me to keep Spartacus in the stables. See you in about fifteen minutes."

With that, she rode off.

"You know, sometimes she scares me," I commented after a moment. "The rest of the time she makes me wonder if I need desperate psychiatric help."

"It could be worse. She could've had a sister," snorted Ariel as she walked past.

"I'm just glad I'm off that llama. Let's go find Nico," said Bobby, and headed off towards Temple Hill.

* * *

Ivy was right. We found Nico and a pretty dark-skinned girl with cinnamon-colored hair- Hazel, I was guessing- sitting on the roof of Pluto's temple, talking about something in hushed tones. Bobby and I waited until they came down, then headed towards them.

"Hey, Ro, hey, Bobby," said Nico, looking mildly surprised. We'd introduced ourselves to him when he showed up last time about a month ago, but we weren't exactly friends. Bobby and Ivy were usually too busy (Bobby tending to Hannibal and Ivy plotting) to hang out with anyone outside the Losers Club much, and I...well, I'm not proud of it, but I was a little creeped out by Nico. I know, I'm a horrible person, but Pluto equals Underworld equals dark, and as a child of the sun god I didn't like the dark, and plus I'd seen Nico in action. He was only twelve, but he was scary powerful. Emphasis on scary.

_So maybe we shouldn't be getting on his bad side..._

I pushed the thought away and looked at the girl. "Hazel?"

"Yes," said the girl, looking confused. I looked over at Bobby and solemnly nodded. He slowly walked over to Hazel and stuck out the Happy Meal box. Hazel stared at him blankly. There was an awkward silence.

"This is where you're supposed to take the box," I said with a sigh.

"...what? Why?"

Before I could say "I don't know", Nico snapped, "How did you know?"

"Know what?" Bobby and I asked simultaneously.

"About Hazel, and the Happy Meals! Who told you?" demanded Nico, a dangerous look in his eye. Hazel looked ready to panic. I wondered if it was because of Nico's anger or because of whatever her deal was with Happy Meals. "And if you try to lie..."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, I swear by the River Styx I have no idea what you're talking about!" I said quickly, throwing my hands up. "We're just doing a prank made up by Ivy's alternate-dimension e-mail buddy!"

The look on his face was priceless. If I wasn't so terrified, I would've laughed. "What?"

Bobby and I quickly explained about Ivy's e-mail buddy, the book series in her dimension, and the list she'd sent to Ivy. We swore upon the River Styx that what we were saying was true.

"So, that's why Ivy dressed up as Gandalf during that war game?" Nico questioned.

"Uh-huh," I nodded.

"And why Octavian found so-called Greek invasion plans and freaked out?" He hadn't been there, but it had become an infamous story around camp.

"Actually, I think he only freaked out as much as he did because Ivy gave him some medicine that made him stay up all night. She hates him. We don't know why," I shrugged.

"So you have no idea why the e-mail buddy wrote this down as a prank?"

"No, we're just following orders," replied Bobby. Nico relaxed. I wanted to ask why it had been written down as a prank, then remembered Nico's expression a few minutes ago and decided I'd really rather not know.

We did a bit (translation: a LOT) of apologizing, and walked off, feeling awkward.

"If Ivy asks, that was a performance of epic proportions," I muttered to Bobby. "And next time, _Ivy_ gets to tick off Nico DiAngelo."

* * *

**Uh-oh, I hope Nico doesn't come after me...by the way, here's some interesting trivia I learned in World History:**

**In a war between Carthage and Rome, a general named Hannibal rode a herd of elephants through the Alps. So Hannibal the elephant is named after Hannibal the elephant guy. Rick Riordan is officially a genius! Also, there was a battle between Hannibal and a Roman named Scipio, whom Reyna's pegasus was named after. This makes me wonder if Hannibal and Skippy from Camp Jupiter have sort sort of rivalry going on...**


End file.
